Rivers Governor Nyesom Wike likes to challenge his own limits. Which is good for a pol of his stature—big, bad, boastful, and brash. It doesn’t matter if 99 percent of what he says or does is all dogshit—like him promising to support—whatever that means—his dull-looking Bauchi counterpart Bala Mohammed in developing the northeastern state, an oil-producing state (lol) for that matter.
Now get this: Bauchi truly deserves some pity. And the best fit to host the pity party is Gov Santa Claus Wike who currently has a lot of oil money to buy himself lots of thumbs-up from other equally rich PDP governors happily paying their 70 aides, hangers-on, and other creeps in their governments. Only that when it comes to spending on projects, Bala, for one, will suddenly snap into a covid-induced epiphany, wrings his fingers, and reminds us Bauchi is hopeless when it comes to generating internal revenue.
But what are friends like Wike for—all the way from his state he once dedicated to Jesus—to an Islamic state Bauchi?
So it was all chummy when Bala invited Wike to celebrate with him in the ceremony (flag-offs) the government organized to let people know Bauchi has no road. Now, posing for the camera in a world-press-conference-worthy announcement, Bala said he was preparing to start scraping dirt off some 11 tracks in the state. That’s worth whooping up, innit? Wike thinks it’s.
“Because of my relationship with the Bauchi governor and his desire to work for his people, the Rivers State government will continue to support him to work for the happiness of the entire citizens of Bauchi State.”
Wike and Bala’s ‘relationship’ may not be big in the news. Because neither is screwing the other and we wonder why, looking at Wike’s ‘relationship, love and support’ he claimed he had for Bala.
But let’s stop wondering. The love is about 2023. And when any idiot gets struck by this kinda puppy love, there’s all kinds of sweetnothing you get. Lots of hearts and flowers.
“It is not easy for a state with less IGR (internally generated revenues) to embark on the execution of developmental projects and that is the reason for my coming to Bauchi today.
Like old lovers, Wike’s already speaking for his partner—making excuses for Bala’s surefire project failure. But the joy of it all is Wike has met the guy that pulls his heartstring, and the groundbreaking ceremony was successful. Who cares about projects completion?