This wimp wants to be a hero, but has to first become a widowmaker, and he’s just crossed 30 points

Borno Gov Babagana Zulum is getting all the eyeballs he wants now as he runs the gauntlet around the Boko haram-infested northeast using the federal soldiers as his expendables. The retards in the Progressive Governors Forum (PGF) are praising him for his efforts to end terrorism in Borno. We now know Zulum goofing about Baga forest, looking for the tripwire of a bounding fragmentation mine to detonate, is the best COIN strategy. And the PGF, insisting,  said:

Nigerians should be strengthened by the determination of Governor Zulum to expedite the peacebuilding process in Borno State and indeed the whole of North-East.


What the hell!

But Nigerians are counting the number of widows Prof. Zulum’s derring-do is making: more than 30 so far. Plus lots of fatherless kids.

Professors like to push the envelopes when it comes to learning. And it’s very likely Zulum is a mad scientist using lives of Nigerian soldiers to figure how to be a populist in a death zone that Borno has become. Because, for goodness sake, it’s a sick idea for a blinking civilian governor to be roaming about minefields because he likes his people—his people that his kind in the PDP and the APC ( Mala Kachallah, Ali Modu Sheriff, Kashim Shettima) turned to IDPs in their own land. It’s even dumber of him to be carrying along Nigerian security agents on his suicide mission. No captain deliberately risks the lives of his troops.

In the course of wandering the countryside where he knows those bastards are waiting to kill him for a statement, this sparkless Gov Zulum has brought his security details under attacks thrice.

In July the governor’s convoy came under gun attack from ISWAP outside Baga, forcing him to cancel his trip to the town. A few days ago, the group killed a Nigerian army commander along with three soldiers in an ambush near the town of Damboa.

But we know he’s just trying—yes, trying—to kill himself. He knows his Borno brothers, NSA Babagana Monguo and COAS Tukur Buratai, won’t let him kill himself. The whole idea is for Nigerians to see the put-up job like Zulum is just being a nice man, a rabble-rouser, when he’s actually a fake man of the masses.

And all of these passion play are for one of two things:

It’s not unlikely he’s trying to throw around his remaining security vote—the billions of slush money each governor gets annually to spend as they fancy—on babes, booze, drugs, thugs, just name it—before the year ends. So all this dicing with death in Baga, Monguno, and other Boko Haram strongholds will get a lot of monies allocated for them, with all the creative accounting needed.

O yeah!

His best deed of the month: Zulum dashed the widow of Col Bako, a troop commander the terrorists killed, N20 million. Isn’t that nice of Zulum? Oh, come of it, buddy! He’s a half-assed nice dude since he knows what he’s doing.

By the way, no one questions Zulum how he blows his security fund.

Again, his second term might just be the hard core of all his quest to get himself blown into pieces by Boko Haram RPG. Second terms are ride-or-die affairs in Nigeria. In Borno, the struggles to come back are now made worse. Majority of the population is now scattered across IDP camps. Those are the places voting will come up.

So it’s a no-brainer to worm his way into the hearts of the displaced masses by visiting them and re-settling them every now and then, though he knows the terrorist goons will come back to give the resettled people hell.

But it’s all nice because Zulu will go back each time it happens—to blubber some more, curse some more, blame the soldiers some more, blame President Muhammadu Buhari some more, and hands out refreshment after the pity party. The IDP won’t forget him—especially when he comes for their thumbprints.

Truly, nobody cares about Zulum’s death wish. Except for just two things. One, if he pushes his luck too far, and Boko Haram takes him out,  his death will make the idiots think they are really Allah’s gift to mankind. So the Nigerian government will be embarrassed. Two, he will have wasted a lot of the federal troops fighting with those skinny lowlifes in the northeast. Which is bad. Very bad.

It’s good to let Zulum knows its damn stupid wearing Fulani hats about in the middle of flying bullets which you know for sure that some hapless grunts must dutifully take to protect you. That’s now a governor can prove he’s got balls.


[Punch] [Punch] [National Daily]

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