News making fun of Nigerian politicians and their fuck-ups
PDP’s ageing chieftain Bode George is worried sick the way Nigerians are looking at former Lagos Gov Bola Tinubu angling for the 2023 presidency. The former boys scout has expressed fear of losing his Nigerian citizenship if the APC national leader eventually contests the 2023 presidency. And if he wins, the Boy Beorge might be … Read moreTinubu 2023: Fear grips Bode Thomas; may lose citizenship in 2023
It’s not for fun the APC is the ruling party in Nigeria—and in Kaduna. That’s why the state chapter is leading others with a new technique of qualifying its LGA election aspirants—writing an exam the Joint Aspirants Metrics Board conducts. No fewer than 100 meatheads jostling for the party’s primary tickets sat for the exam … Read more100 APC aspirants write JAMB to contest primary
Rivers Gov. Nyesom Wike is leaving no stone unturned in his effort to position the south-south state for the 2023 presidential election. Impeccable sources revealed the PDP governor has signed an MOU with a popular Twitter juggernaut that boasts of intercontinental track records in swaying opinions. “I want Nigerians to know anybody who becomes president … Read more2023: Wike signs MOU with popular Twitter influencer to sell Rivers as battleground state to APC, INEC, others
A devout Muslim has espoused a religious teaching about how sons of politicians, especially governors, can make heaven: get snatched by bandits. The Malam, an APC governor in northwestern Nigeria, said this Friday to let his devout citizens know making heaven in state houses is too difficult owing to tight security. “Mark my words: … Read moreDevout malam says heaven-conscious governor’s sons will see God if they get kidnapped for no ransom
In a glowing tribute to Aisha Buhari for her achievements as Nigeria’s first lady, Bola Tinubu has pointed out how attacks on her office has eternally ended. Nigerians have always said there is no constitutional reason for creating and funding the office of the wife of Nigeria’s president. The barbs mostly aggravate to attack so … Read moreTINUBU: Since office of First Lady moved to UAE, Nigerians can’t reasonably assault Aisha again
The prized fight between the Kogi White Lion and its counterpart the Lion of Bourdillion may not hold again in 2023 it was initially slated for. This turn of event will actually gut many already looking forward to the bloody tangle between the leonine rivals trying to claim territories. “I believe the large-boned Lion of … Read moreExperts explain why roaring Kogi White Lion, that of Bourdillion suddenly make U-turn, kiss, hunt together
To leave nobody in doubt of what they are up to, the federal government of Oodua Republic on Twitter unveiled its modern army March 30. The gallant army, ten-man strong, was unveiled in a village somewhere in the southwest with the most unheard of military might on parade. “Forget we are just 10. Oodua and … Read moreBold Oodua Twitter Republic launches ultra-modern military with sophisticated barearms inside village
Which is more glorious: An Instagram-worthy loading of dry twigs onto two security trucks, by a first-term governor who couldn’t stand watching poverty-ridden Borno girls foraging for firewood by the arid, treeless highway—or a drab policy that makes kerosene and gas sell for N20 per litre to meet the energy need of poor rural women … Read moreClimate Resilience: Zulum converts security truck to firewood carrier to alleviate rural women energy plight for one hour
Ekiti Gov. Kayode Fayemi has finally opened up on his ambition to run for the presidency in 2023. The governor made this known—in a manner most politicians do—during an interview with Channels TV. According to him, he’s a damn serious politician. “Only a knucklehead and ne’er-do-well politician will reject an offer of a Limo ride … Read more2023: Fayemi accepts offer to take over from Buhari, wonders why it’s hard for Nigerians to figure out
Nigeria’s Senate Chief Whip Uzor Kalu has been stewing since his release from the Kuje Prison following a Supreme Court ruling. The apex court set aside the appeal court judgement that first convicted the Abia former governor of embezzling billions, and then sent him up for 10 years at Kuje –a term he was all … Read moreKalu accuses Supreme Court of upturning his jail sentence to truncate his destiny
To assure Nigerians it’s a promise keeper, the APC has set up a committee of top-shots that will bring the change it promised in 2014 to reality in 2025. The high-power committee, according to the party mock Chairman and Yobe Gov. Mai Buni, comprises little-known bureaucrats and bombed-out politicians like ex-Gov. Akinwumi Ambode, ex-Speaker Dimeji … Read moreAPC sets up high-power committee that’ll usher in change Nigerians want now in 2025
The late Yoruba sage Obafemi Awolowo has written a new book about his life since 1987, and he bares all in the volume comprising no fewer than 790 pages. According to the book’s review, Awolowo effortlessly reveals a part of him unknown to many of his followers in Afenifere, dead and alive, including Adekunle Ajasin … Read moreAwolowo writes new book foreworded by PDP reviewer Chidoka, published in Oodua Republic
Kano Gov Umar Ganduje has reminded Nigerians the curtain is not yet drawn on his dollar-bribe drama that hit the internet in 2018. The governor said he was made to feature in it by his enemies. “But I assure you all the cowards—contractors, bureau de change, others— offering me fake bribes behind the scene in … Read moreGanduje: I’ll soon expose, shame the real cowards offering me fake dollars in the 2018 video
“It’s anti-party if GEJ or whatchamacallit gets the ticket for the 2023 presidency” Rivers Gov Nyesom Wike has warned all Nigerians to get ready for his wrath: I will quit the Rivers governor house in 2023 if Goodluck Jonathan contests and wins the presidential election. “I am an Ijaw politician, the most PDP of … Read moreWike threatens to resign in April 2023 if Nigerians elect Jonathan as president again
After what he tweeted as fruitful discussions, former Gov Ayo Fayose has got assurance retired Generals and ex-heads of state Ibarahim B. Babangida and Abubakar Abdusalam are rejoining the Nigerian military. Fayose wanted to pray on the mountain as usual, but kidnaping and other dangers lurking around Ondo and Ekiti forests wouldn’t allow him. So … Read moreWar veterans IBB, Abdulsalam re-enlist in Nigeria military at Fayose’s insistence
OPC’s leader Iba Gani Adams has warned the reigning Yoruba savior Sunday Adeyemo to give Femi Fani-Kayode a wide berth because the freelance evangelist is a rat. FFK known to be born again to his teeth, and redeemed by the blood of the Lamb, has been courting Adeyemo aka Igboho who is a world away … Read moreFFK betrays Jesus, says OPC leader Adams, warns Igboho to beware of gap-toothed evangelists
The Northern Governors Forum have added an edge to their message as they joined President Muhammadu Buhari, APC leader Bola Tinubu, and two other people to celebrate V.P Yemi Osinbajo on his birthday. Simon Lalong, chairman of the forum, described Osinbajo as a loyal sidekick who not only understands his place —behind the scene—in Buhari’s … Read moreNorthern govs celebrate VP at 64, urge him to concentrate on Tradermoni beneficiaries, baby lawyers looking for intellectual giant
Days after meeting Kogi Gov Yahaya Bello, former President Olusegun Obasanjo has declared his covid-19 status. Many had been worried the old man could be infected with a variant of the virus that is resistant to fact and science after the duo stood arm to arm, with no mask on last week. But the 84 … Read moreCOVID-19: After meeting Yahaya Bello, OBJ, 84, boasts he’s yet to test positive for conspiracy theories
The PDP national headquarters has reacted to President Muhammadu Buhari’s no-fly-zone order placed on Zamfara in the efforts to contain widespread kidnapping and banditry in the state. The federal government made the decision following the revelation by Gov Bello Matawalle that the forest-dwelling kidnappers of Jangebe schoolgirls have flies on the wall right in Gusau. … Read morePDP: Buhari barring flies in Zamfara is ruse by APC to intimidate, sweep ruling PDP out
After lobbing brickbats against each other, PDP Govs Samuel Ortom and Bala Mohammed shared a hug before their Rivers counterpart Nyesome Wike on March 2. Their problem started weeks ago when Mohamed claimed Fulani herders armed with AK-47 rifles are merely defending themselves against amotekun and other fleshing-eating predators in forests across the southwest. In … Read moreBala, Ortom reconcile, agree only criminal herdsman ditches pump-action for AK-47 assault rifle in self-defense
As bandits run wild and free, kidnapping schoolchildren and travelers in the northwest, President Muhammadu Buhari has explained what is holding him back. In a press statement his media adviser Garba Sheu issued on the weekend, the president warned the bandits not to feel smug in any way. “No criminal group can be too strong … Read moreBuhari warns only bandits carrying human shields will be spared military attacks in 2023
Islamic scholar Sheikh Gumi has confirmed the group of kidnappers who carted away 300 school girls in Zamfara on Friday are non-bandits because the group he knows are law-abiding. According to him, the legitimate bandits have told him the bastards that kidnapped the young girls are not part of them. “I learnt that group of … Read moreGumi confirms his law-abiding bandits not responsible for Jangebe schoolgirls kidnap
Abia Gov. Okezie Ikepazu and APC Kogi West Sen. S. Adeyemi have been at war over who has been performing like a drunk between the two politicians. The question will soon be settled as NDLEA wades uninvited into the dispute which originated on the Senate floor early in the week. What further heightened the NDLEA … Read moreNDLEA invites Gov. Ikpeazu for blood sugar-level test, suspects enhanced performance in Abia
As parties prepare for the 2023 general elections, the main opposition PDP is doubling down on spiritual efforts to ensure it comes back to power after eight years on the fringe. So its chairman of reconciliation committee and former Senate President Bukola Saraki took some members to a necromancer living up a mountain in Minna, … Read more2023: Saraki leads PDP committee to consult evil spirit on far-away hill 50,000 feet high; APC says it’s height of desperation
Behavioral scientists from the American University of Nigeria have published a 10-year study which reveals the psychology of the lion, an animal many believe is the strongest in the wild. The leader of the team of five in a paper published on conclusion of the study revealed that lions are not always strong. “They are … Read moreHungry lion makes angry noise that sounds like roaring—Study
Interior Minister Rauf Aregbesola is all jitters now as the ongoing APC membership invalidation turns out to be a harbinger of fatal payback playing hell with his mind. “Oh, how democracy sucks. It allows killers, hoodlums, terminators, and all sorts to join parties,” the minister lamented roughly on Saturday, insisting such membership must not be … Read moreFear grips Aregbesola as killers who worked for Oyetola victory in 2018 trace minister to party for payback
Embattled PDP’s Chairman Uche Secondus has announced the date he will embark on a one-man protest against the party’s National Working Committee planning to remove him from office. Going by the NWC Tuesday meeting where a long list of Secondus’ sins was reeled out, the party is set to rat on their chairman who led … Read moreSecondus embarks on one-man march from Wadata Plaza to Adamawa in protest against his removal
After the uproar that greeted the gum-beating by PDP’s Bauchi Gov. Mohammed Bala on AK-47 guns in the arms of Fulani herders, his media handlers decided to listen to the gum beating again and again. They then teased out what their boss said which the Nigerian media didn’t hear: Bala supported herdsmen carrying AK-47, quite … Read moreREJOINDER: Bala okays herdsman carrying AK-47 to defend Constitution, self against amotekun, other predators
After cursing President Muhammadu Buhari, the Fulani tribe, Muslims, and V.P Yemi Osinbajo for six years, PDP’s bottom-of-the-pants stalwart and evangelist Femi Fani-Kayode decided to cross over in a manner that made him look stupid by half. And he failed. And failed. And failed. According to Salihu Lukman, Fani-Kayode went round to play PDP’s dirty … Read moreDEFECTION: APC rejects Fani-Kayode application, says male defector must be in stable relationship
Few hours to its kick-off, the Occupy Lekki Toll Gate protest might be up to a rocky start, and its objectives will be hanging in the balance. Info Minister Lai Mohammed hinted Thursday the federal government won’t watch the ENDSARS activists disrupt Lagos again, having informed all security agencies, including Amotekun, to be on the … Read moreBREAKING: DSS nabs Marclar, Cathar, 90 other aliens brought in unmarked aircraft to protest in Lagos