Those kids don’t know what dying for other means. That is why they’re giving SaharaReporters and presidential wannabe Omoyele Sowore the go-man-go with his #Revolution Now craze.
His own revolution, as we know it, means whipping up negative sentiments and bad governance news flammable enough to fire up massive protests that will compel an elected government to step down. Or else hoodlums, the necessary fodder for bloody revolution, will take over and loot and burn and rape and make everything badder so the police could move in, and then the military, and then a civil war breaks out, and many get killed, including the unlucky among the revolutionaries and protesters, and then the US marines move in, then Russia and China, and then the UN, and then Nigeria will break into a million shards.
So much to fix a bad government. Which is ok. That seems a better choice over a bad President Muhammadu Buhari‘s government.
But Sowore is probably contemplating something now: dying sucks so avoid it by any means if you can. Call Lawyer Femi Falana when you see some idiots staking you out. Tweet it, and tag Amnesty International and US senators. Just like Sowore is doing now.
Obviously, the guy doesn’t want to die. Even if he must–not now. He knows that—down deep in his radical heart of hearts—his two children and wife in New Jersey don’t really want a martyr for a father.
So it matters to him if the Nigerian government is actually prepping a counter-revolution offensive. It matters to him what tittle-tattle flies about in the military and intelligence community.
Now he got a scoop:
Sahara Reporters is informing you all now that the old people’s home—Aso Rock that is, that nice ban where live a very old President Muhammadu Buhari, 77, and an old, fossilizing CoS Ibrahim Gambari, 75, a quietly greying Second John Yemi Osinbajo, 63, and worn out media handlers Femi Adesina and Garba Sheu—is planning to kill Nigeria’s foremost youth revolutionary—an equally ageing, 49 year-old youngster Sowore.
Crying wolf! Lol
For Heaven’s sake, the revolution Sowore wants has yet to start. This is just the revving—of the state’s killing machine. And Nigeria’s 21st-century revolutionary is already pissing.
Trust him, he wasn’t exactly blubbering while he announced the government plot. Just imagine him carry a straight face as he tweeted:
#RevolutionNow Info reaching me now is that a signal from DIA has put a bounty on my head, that I must be arrested or murdered as they claim I’d resist arrest in the next 24hrs! This is from the Defence HQ here is Abuja! Be it known that this can’t affect the struggle for freedom
If you are taken by that wimpy batshit coming from a die-hard revolutionary, a self-martyr who has promised to die cheerfully to make Nigeria’s democracy trump America’s, then you’re alone.
No. Not exactly alone. You must be in good company—the company of cheerleaders clapping on the sideline while Sowore disregards his bail terms (not addressing crowds), carries on with ENDSARS protests when the kids that started it said they didn’t need his help because he, too, has been soiled with Nigeria’s politics.
But very likely y’ all clappers will be fucked up. The Revolution Now you want will come later—or not at all. Now that his ticker palpitates, Sowore may soon get himself a bush parole. Don’t you worry. He will be sticking up for you guys from New Jersey—the old-time way the older revolutionary Wole Soyinka fought when Buhari’s matey Sanni Abacha was hammering down any stubborn head raised against him.
By Jove, what’s the point in Sowore starting a revolution that might consume him—when he knows for sure 200 million Nigerians hang on him for happiness? Ok. Agreed. That was just a stupid question—as stupid as crying out loud over some Buhari’s gunnuts marking you down—when you actually want them to kill you so people can have something to tweet after you’re a goner. Something like: Nigeria’s foremost opposition; Nigeria’s fallen hero; Africa’s young revolutionary; a monument of sorts. And Jack Dorsey will amplify it like he did the ENDSARS hashtag last October. And people urging him to die because dying for humanity is cool, including New Jersey senators, Amnesty International rabble-rousers, and other widow-makers will retweet. And all the living dogs back in Nigeria get the creeps reading the tear-jacking tweets about their one dead lion Sowore.
Well. This is just a maybe. Just in case he really means to die saving Nigeria.
But to have let you know now—that those oldies are plotting to arrest him or bump him up—is a good sign that Sowore loves life. He doesn’t want to croak now.
In 1886, cowards died many times before their death. About 400 years after, the valiant reach out to Amnesty International.
It’s democracy, peeps.