Between Rivers Gov Nyesom Wike and SARS, who is wickeder?
Certainly it’s Wike—because he’s a PDP governor and his name rhymes perfectly with all things wily and wicked. Most of all, he thinks Nigerians are like many of the wimps in the PDP Governors Forum where he’s a bullyboy who likes to puke down the head of Govs Godwin Obaseki, Ifeanyi Okowa, Seyi Makinde, Bala Mohammed, and others rolling their eyes at his thick cud of wickedness and bird-headedness he regularly throws up.
So he thought the kids protesting SARS stupidity would be licking the oily vomit he threw out Tuesday night when he announced his own triple wicked ban on women’s right to wear hotpants and lownecks and trainers and sunglasses and layers of Mary Kay—and men’s right to rag up in black jeans and T-shirts and wear trekkers and Cologne and roll their own and puff away as they down bottles of Codein—all in protest, across Port Harcourt, for the necessary end of SARS.
“The Rivers State Government hereby wish to inform the general public that all forms of protests have been banned throughout the State. Therefore, all proposed protests under #EndSars Campaign are hereby prohibited. Government took this decision because the Inspector General of Police, Mohammed Adamu, had already scrapped the Special Anti-Robbery Squad.”
But, ah! Kids, especially these Twitter kids who respect only hashtags wouldn’t take the bulldozer of a guv seriously.
It really was no surprise when the protest began and Wike’s wicked devices bombed, and no cop could nab any protester. He knows that wikedom is the better part of valour ; he just wised up. Then he quickly moved his great fat body and mighty big head to address the protesting youth in his usual piggy grunts and loud empty bragging and line shooting and gum beating.
“I am the only governor that has come out to start end SARS protest. No other state. We have lost so many people in this state to SARS. No state supported us. SARS has killed our people a lot,” he said.
Holy Wikeyish lies!
Everybody knows the goddamn shit Wike is up to any moment. If he’s not stampeding Kano Gov Umar Ganduje, he will be somewhere priming up his party chairman and lapdog Uche Secondus what to do to get a second term. Or the governor will be somewhere tearing down hotels or a mosque. Or he will be somewhere jailing pilots. Or he’ll be somewhere threatening fun-loving sisters and bros protesting.
Now that Wike has enlisted among the foot soldiers that want to nuke down SARS, let’s hope that his executive wickedness will end too. No bounty again on the heads of mansnatchers and badasses he uses the police, the no-good band of gun-hugging uniformed scalawags, to chase about.
He will now be nice enough to spend all of his security votes on those that will secure and protect Rivers—the prayer warriors, soldiers of the Cross and the Salvation army in Rivers official church.