Weeks ago when he went bonkers with a Daily Trust journo at a press conference he organised for himself though he was guesting in with Gov Ben Ayade in Calabar, Christian Femi Jesu Kayode, previously known as Femi Fani-Kayode, made N2bn. He simply sued the Daily Trust for publishing the kind of take-down FFK himself likes to publish—a piece in which the writer called him a cokehead, pig, lout, ingrate, and fanny or something.
Because the piece badly damaged him, Lawyer Fani-Kayode needs N2 billion to rehab himself. It’s easypeasy as a lawyer who has never practiced to make such huge moolah at the snap of his fingers. Plus, remember the asshole of a guy we are talking about: a short-fused, namby-pamby 59-year-old baby that’s turned litigation to a mint since his party PDP has nothing left to share.
Just Sept. 17 again, he raked in another N2bn—hand over fist—in his mind. And the process was the same:
Fani-Kayode has written a pre-litigation letter to popular blogger, Stella Dimokorkus, demanding N2bn from her for a report he termed libelous. The blogger had in a report attributed the separation to domestic violence and alleged that the triplet sons may not have been fathered by Fani-Kayode as they were conceived through IVF and Chikwendu had demanded a DNA test.
Now for a broke politician that is equally sliding into oblivion to suddenly hope to hit the jackpot—it must feel like a dream. And it seems he doesn’t wanna wake up into his misery again.
So in that dreamy state, the N4bn-rich PDP armchair chieftain is now talking like a moneyman —suing everybody for billions; he’s acting like a billionaire—kicking out his wife for her not being as healthy as a 29-year-old cuddle bunny should be, after four boys; and he’s acting like a rich tyrant—bashing his wife for not aborting a pregnancy, and for breaking the Eleventh Commandment: Thou shall not go out without FFK’s memo to that effect.
His uncle, who wasn’t in Nigeria when FFK attacked the Daily Trust in Calabar, is saying the father of seven can’t hurt a fly, let alone Precious Chikwendu. That makes us laugh out loud.
Maybe the expired queen herself decided to chuck the marriage, having got enough of nothing since their shot-gun wedding in 2014. According to Sahara Reporters:
“FFK as the ex-minister is often referred to, was said to have ordered Precious to abort her last pregnancy, claiming it did not belong to him.
The sources said Precious ignored him but got savage beating, including on her belly for the recalcitrance.
A source said Fani-Kayode always hit the woman violently in presence of their homehelps and sometimes threatened her with a gun by sticking the weapon in her mouth to warn her against squealing.
He sometimes instructed his bodyguard to hit the ex-beauty queen.
If all that cuffing wasn’t enough to break up the union, the paternity dispute might be.
Some said she’s suddenly realized her oha-fed hunk might have been firing blanks all along while she thought she had the most prolific stud and multiple baby-making machine for a hubby.
BTW, let’s still give it to him. FFK, that man of God, truly, is also a man of fortune: seven kids from four women, billions of naira he’s expecting from the Daily Trust and Dimokorkus to roll into his frozen GTB and Diamond Bank accounts, just for the asking, and lots of Biafran believers that enjoy his civil war yarns. He’s a great man. Truly. Let’s pretend we don’t mind that those stories are plotted to be potboilers. Just roll your eyes when the big liar wag his chin playing the Biafran politics. It’s not for the love of the Igbo.
So don’t blame Queen FFK if she too now doubts things—how much spunk he’s got—they say she once believed about her husband. Everybody—the PDP, EFCC, APC, Nigerian lawyers, Nigerian journalists, Nigerian ladies, Ghanaian women—has their doubt about FFK.
“According to the Punch “The blogger had in a report attributed the separation to domestic violence and alleged that the triplet sons may not have been fathered by Fani-Kayode as they were conceived through IVF and Chikwendu had demanded a DNA test
Thank goodness for DNA technology. Chikwendu can now know which of FFK’s 20 million sexy swimmers spawned those adorable multiple patters. Or if it’s all biohacks. She probably just remembered there wasn’t any traceable baby dance to pin the whole thing to.
But it hurts that this is flying all over the media about the time the paperweight politician is concluding his circus tour of Nigeria. This news is not supposed to be new. It is meant to be a secret—the bedroom melt-down, the discovery of paternity, the weapons of starving deployed, the curfew, and other details. All should have been bottled up. And it had been, until blogger who has billions of naira to give FFK just took off the lid. And reports are now all over, denying, confirming, straightening, white-washing all the bedroom affairs of a public affairs attack dog. It’s really got badder for him than they are trying to make it look:
According to the source, the health issue posed a serious challenge and the couple later became estranged. Alongside other unprintable reasons, the source also claimed that they had countless disagreements over ‘‘unapproved outings.’’
Giving it a fresh look, you can see not much of the FFK marriage is new. We know how it works with ‘billionaires’. The world’s richest human being, Jeff Bezos, has no wife again. It gets worse if they are some kind of billionaire pols like FFK. Even struggling billionaire and POTUS Donald Trump has many of them, though Melania remains her bedwarmer for now.
If Dimokorkus thought she broke the biggest news of her career life publishing what FFK lawyers are sweating to tag defamatory, she must be kidding. Trust the bullyboy himself. He saw the bigger picture: where there is muck, there’s brass. He has named his price, N2bn in damages. Quickly.
All that cool cash? Just because a blogger made him lose his boner, made him look stupider than he actually thinks he’s as a know-it-all public critic who can’t get his shit together in a family of six. That’s the business end of the politics of litigation.
For the moment, FFK is aching and bleeding, racking up blood pressure and panic anxiety and nervous breakdown and paranoia and all the bad things you can claim so you get N2 billion damages awarded against journalists and bloggers.
His divorce lawyer says:
“Our client is aggrieved and has instructed us to draw your attention to these libelous breaches of his person and family. By this publication, our client has received denigrating phone calls and messages across the globe by virtue of which he now sufferers immeasurable loss of goodwill.
What we know about people falling sick after they blow up their short fuse is: make them sing. How? Give them something to eat. It’s particularly true of FFK. Ask his former boss.